Sometimes, you just get whacked over the head with insight. And, that happened to me a couple of days ago.
I'm ashamed of this story, but I want to NEVER forget it happened.
Over the last couple of years, I have grown resentful of my parents and their parenting....which in and of itself is so incredibly SELFISH AND STUPID!
But, I parented the way they did. I mean, look how great Kaey, Gavin, Preston turned out. (I can't add me in there, because I've just been a jerk my entire life.) Surely they must have done everything right!
What I mean by their parenting is that my mom was a great cook, but she didn't ever say, "Come in and help me or let me show you how to make the best gravy in the world!" And, I never went in there of my own volition. She would can peaches for days on end and the only thing I ever did was eat them. She could sew and boy, did she sew. But, she never taught me her skills. I probably would've rejected them anyway, saying Id' never need to learn to sew!
My father was one of the most private people I have ever known. He literally NEVER talked about his lawyer job, nor about his personal testimony, which I knew he had, but he kept it all to himself. And, I loved that about him. BE PRIVATE, I would tell myself. And, so I was.
They didn't EVER discuss MONEY; that was a taboo subject. We didn't have family prayer, just a prayer at the evening dinner table.....SO,
When I married, I did all those things...I NEVER taught my kids about finances (too personal and private, it's i impolite to talk about money! or so I thought!), skills like sewing, ironing, shopping, cooking. How could I? I SIMPLY DID NOT KNOW HOW! I never said to one of my kids; let's go clean your room TOGETHER today and I can show you some things about folding your clothes or how to sweep a floor or how to clean off a counter top! How could I show them what I DID NOT KNOW! I kept my religion very private - in my heart - where I had a great testimony, but it was much too private to share with anyone, especially my own children. I didn't kneel down and pray with them each night, as I should have because we had not done so.
One day I got thinking about sending THREE SONS into the mission field knowing NOTHING about cooking, cleaning, mending a shirt, or sewing on a button. I taught them NOTHING. And, I felt ashamed and embarrassed and a little angry toward my parents. (They hadn't taught me, how could I teach my kids?!?!?!?!) TOTALLY MISPLACED ANGER!
GUILT was overpowering me about my parenting and blaming the WRONG PEOPLE!. And, the DEVIL was right there in teh middle, egging me on. A few days ago, I was listening to a talk by the masterful, Jeffrey R Holland. The talk was given during covid, and I'm not even sure what his topic was, but he mentioned TWO WORDS in that talk; KINDNESS and LOVE.
And, that's when the two-by-four whacked me on the top of my head. "Loni," the voice said so clearly, "you had the very best things growing up. YOU had LOVE and KINDNESS in your family - ALL THE TIME!"
How can words describe the feelings I had at that moment. I am not adequately able to do that.
But, at that moment and since that moment, I knew that I had THE GREATEST GIFT possible in a family - love and kindness.
Thank you, Heavenly Father, for that precious moment in my long, ungrateful life. I want to always remember those words, "Loni, you had LOVE and KINDNESS!"
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