It's still painful.
On Sunday, Loretta and I were standing in the hallway of the church. She said, "Okay, it's time to address the Elephant in the Room." And she apologized in a sort of way. I said, "I'm sorry. I overstepped my bounds." And, that was that. She had done her duty. She had said sorry. But, it was so hollow and not real or sincere.
Well, Allen was glad it was all over. But, it's still raw for me. Then at a ward party on Wednesday night, she totally ignored me. Mike and Loretta and the Watts sat clear across the room and totally ignored me. All the old feelings of hurt, dismay, pain washed over me again.
She had apologized - yes. But, in the meantime, she had stolen two dear friends from me. She had written me off and caused me unimaginable grief. And, she said to me in a cast off way, "I'm sorry." As if that could be just checked off her to-do list. Now, she can go on with her life and feel good that she at least said sorry.
But, I am still left with the hurt, anger, disappointment, loss of friendships over a year.
Through all of this, I often think of the Saviour. How did he still love those who abandoned, betrayed, persecuted Him? HOW did He do it?
And, how do I thoroughly get over the feelings in my heart?
On a happier note, I realize that I have so many great blessings. And, I do want God to know that I have such gratitude for so many things.
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