TIME OUT...for Laughter....

DEAR Drs. Rose and Fisher:

Your files recently came across my desk here at the Ima A. Fraud Clinic for Rehabilitating Exercise Freaks.

It appears that the two of you are sisters.  It also appears that you are both trying to achieve immortality by exercising.

If my files are correct, in the LAST YEAR ALONE, both of you have suffered FOUR injuries (two Each) due to the careless neglect of your body at rest.

Kristi was running in St George, Utah ONE YEAR AGO and suffered a debilitating ankle or leg injury.  It was very painful and required something to get her well.  Then, just recently, she was on her bike, which tipped over, causing her to break a finger, which was excruciatingly painful and required surgery and two pins.  Even though she had both of these very painful injuries, she was a required to go back to work and try to: a.  Stand on an aching ankle/foot and B.  try to perform anesthesiology with a broken finger; both very painful.  Both involving extremities which are essential to work.

Jenni ONE YEAR AGO was riding a bike (do you sisters see a theme here with bikes?) and crashed into a pile of tar?  Who does not see tar on a road ahead?  This accident also caused Kristi to crash into her, but thankfully, at that time, Kristi was already in pain from her ankle/foot, and didn’t seem to notice any other additional pain from falling over her sister.  Then, recently, Jenni was doing something quite simple, such as yoga, when she pulled a muscle and is having constant pain coursing through her body since then.  Again, even with these injuries, she, like her sister has been required to return to work.  Only this time, she had to wear a face mask, so no one could see her writhing in pain constantly.

We, here at the Clinic for Rehabilitating Exercise Freaks are VERY CONCERNED about you two sisters.  There does seem to be a dangerous pattern forming here.

As in:, neither of you was inured while putting on lipstick, reading a book while lounging on the couch, or even painting (a hobby which it seems you both have recently taken up!)

Our clinic is devoted to helping people JUST LIKE YOU.  

We have classes in the following:  

stationary biking with no pedals or arm movement….you sit on a bike seat and look at a screen moving along a safe road.  Safety straps provided

YOGA and the many different postures of corpse pose; both back and front body postures.  Help getting up and down is provided free of extra charge.

HOW to Correctly Lie on a Couch to read a GOOD BOOK:  this is our number one class here at the clinic; too many people do not know how to lie across a couch correctly.  Tea and crumpets are offered with this course at no additional charge.

We hope that both of you will consider attending courses at our clinic.  YOUR LONG-TERM HEALTH is our Number one priority!  (Aside from the money we get, of course!)

You two are the perfect candidates for our program.  It is relaxed, no pressure, and you will meet many people, who once were just LIKE YOU, and have reformed totally.  Once in awhile, people will relapse, of course, but when they stub their toe, or get a hangnail, they come running back to our clinic for help once again.

My credentials are impeccable.  I have been a couch potato now for over sixty five years, and the only injury I have ever sustained is I broke a tooth while eating pizza in Arizona at a cafe that had been frequented by Prince Harry; but that is a story of another time, albeit, it is true.

I send my warm regards (it’s almost 100 degrees here!) and a strong wish that both you wonderful sisters can find, peace, joy, and no more broken bones, digits, fractures, aches, pains, etc.

Yours, most sincerely and with a desire for your bu$ine$$:

IMA A. FRAUD

Doctor of couch potatoing