My father was often asked to sing or give speeches all around the county.
My mother taught painting and yoga lessons, was involved in a sewing and book club, serving as an officer on many occasions. She wrote delightful poetry for important events in her life.
Both were heavily involved in the community and church; their calendars were filled with a variety of events; most of which involved giving of their time and talents.
Then, they moved to Virginia, then to California, and finally settling in Utah.
It was a good move in many ways; closer to family; close to Mormondom.
But, it was a sorrowful move in other ways. Because their calendars were empty.
In their new community, there were no phone calls, no meetings, no luncheon dates, no singing or speaking assignments. Just empty days - void of the busy lives they had previously led.
My mother, one of the most talented ladies I know, was not aggressive or forceful; quiet, gentle, good. But, she was not asked to participate in clubs, events, socials, gatherings. And, she never volunteered, as far as I know.
My father, who had been one of the most prominent and well-respected members of the smallish Idaho community, was rarely asked to speak or sing or be part of a committee or anything.
They quietly faded into the background; into the oblivion of old age. Thinking about it since, it often causes me the deepest sorrow. Because they were such good, giving people and suddenly, they were no longer needed or used or asked or invited....in fact, my father once told me that - in their new ward - they had been invited just once into a neighbor's home for dinner. And, every January the older people in the ward went on a trip south, they were never invited; my father felt the pain of that.
In some ways, they are responsible; we cannot wait for others to come to us; we must step forward...we must be aggressive in voicing our desires, in volunteering for things. But, that was not my parents' style; they were willing to give, but both were reticent to push themselves forward.....
And, so their final years were rather lonely and mostly uneventful. Oh, they had wonderful family gatherings; and friends or relatives came to visit occasionally; they were still terribly needed by their children and grandchildren; as counselors, advisors, safe haven home, mentors, question answerers, retreat from the world home to escape to, etc.....
but the bulk of their days was spent in quiet isolation.
Their lives had been amazing; they had visited many many foreign countries; had lived abroad; they traveled the United States and Canada extensively; they flew in a private plane all over the country. They had experiences others can only dream of. They had made generous contributions to their community in so many ways. I have almost an entire box filled with thank you letters to my father about his speeches, his songs, his unselfish service to others. I heard a story, first-hand. about how he healed a community torn apart by a brutal murder while he was serving a mission in South Carolina. My mother belonged to a luncheon club for 25 years; she had had a core group of loyal friends who did things together; she was so needed and appreciated.
Their lives were totally purpose-driven; they were the most giving, generous people I knew....in time and resources.
They served two missions - to Hawaii and South Carolina....
And, then - NOTHING.
In some ways, my life follows a similar pattern to my parents...living in a community for a large portion of my life - then moving into an entirely different place. Leaving friends, obligations, busy lives.
So, the question now becomes, will I also be like my parents - whom I find absolutely NO FAULT WITH AT ALL?
Or, will I have the courage to break out of my own natural reticence and inclination to STAY HOME?
Will I - at this point in my life - lead a purpose-driven life?
Or, will I sink into oblivion, hoarding my time, my energies?
That remains to be seen.
