When Nature Calls

Women, it's time we stood up for our rights...we are totally discriminated against:

And, I'm NOT talking about lower wages than men, fewer CEO positions than men...NO, I am talking about a basic HUMAN NEED....potty breaks and even more importantly - POTTIES!

Can you relate to any of these scenarios...

1. We had to catch a very early flight at an airport 2 hours away, so we left at one am. To keep us awake, we downed lots of Pepsi...yup, you guessed it..that meant we had to visit the restroom before arriving at our destination. The Master of the Car was looking uncomfortable, his legs were twitching. So, he pulled over along the deserted highway, and said, "Whew, this desert needs watering." Climbed into the car with relief written all over his face, and continued to drive along. Meanwhile, I had to wait in agony for the next 25 minutes to find an all-night gas station, which we did. It was built in 1953, and the bathroom hadn't been cleaned since then.



2. On a sightseeing tour in Europe - (I swear those European women have bladders the size of the Baltic Sea - there are NO restrooms in Europe - something you may want to consider when thinking of your next vacation.) But, I digress. We were at Blenheim Palace, birthplace of Sir Winston Churchill. It was magnificent. And, we were encouraged to walk the grounds to see the incredible gardens....only a three mile round-trip walk. It was hot, so we drank lots of water. Which meant we needed to wee, wee, wee after a mile and a half...but the restrooms were back at the main quarters. The Master of the Walk looked around, and seeing no other human, discreetly stepped behind a large bush and declared, "It needs a little fertilizer." Meanwhile, I had to dash quicker than I had ever run, back the mile and a half to the restroom where I was the 13th lady in line, while the men's room had no one in line...and you can guess why, I'm sure.


3. And, most annoying of all.....we were camping with family and friends. Fred had made his tasty home-made root beer, which the Master of the Tent and I drank more than we should have. At 2 a.m., I heard him stirring...."Wow, I drank too much root beer." So, he stepped right outside the tent door, and turning to the side said, "This will help these cacti grow." Within 12 seconds he was back sound asleep. Meanwhile, I was searching in the pitch black for the flashlight, which I found under the dog's drooling mouth, and my shoes...had I put them at the foot of my sleeping bag, which would have made perfect sense, or at the head of the sleeping bag, which would make no sense at all. Finally, I was armed and ready to sneak out of the tent...but since others may also have had too much root beer, I didn't want anyone to see my silhouette in the total darkness, so I felt compelled to walk a half a mile away for privacy. While nature was calling, so were the mosquitoes. I got bit 13 times on my hiney....and had to speak in church the next day..have you ever spoken in church with 13 mosquito bites on your rear end? Not pretty.


So, ladies, I call on us to unite...vote for only those politicians whose wives understand the need for clean, attractive lovely-smelling restrooms every mile along freeways, restrooms spaced every 500 yards apart at tourist attractions, and restrooms close by every campsite in America.

But, you might be saying, "Won't that look ugly?"

Listen, I just returned from Disneyworld....if they can make a shrub look like Minnie Mouse, surely they can design a saguaro cactus to be a concealed ladies' room,

and furthermore...

Oops, I have to go.

Literally!