The Obituary Columns

I don't read them every day.

But, if a young person dies or a veteran or something piques my interest, I read about the now-deceased person.

And, I have come to realize that no ornery, mean, selfish, cantankerous, gossipy, hard-headed, hard-hearted person ever dies!

It's true.

The only people dying are:

Beloved,
Generous,
Wonderful father/son/brother/nephew/uncle/grandfather/neighbor/Christian.
Thoughtful,
Community minded,
Church-going,
Helpful to others in any situation,
Lover of animals and the out-of-doors
and on and on?

Now, here's the thing.  I've lived for 69 years and I know that there are some mighty mean, selfish, stubborn, recluses, and egotistical dweebs out there.

So, it's amazing to me that THEY NEVER DIE!

No one ever puts in an obituary;
he actually voted against supporting the new animal shelter, he spray painted the neighbor's yard over a dog doodoo dispute, he cheated his mother out of her retirement income, he once shoved an old lady out of line at the Wal*Mart check-out counter on Christmas Eve, he hated the great outdoors and once set fire to it.

Oh, no, the deceased is always painted in such glowing terms that one time my aunt actually asked at a funeral, "Who's in that casket anyway...it's not the person I knew in life!"

So, if you are looking for truth, you can't read the political columns or the obituary column.

Best to stick to the comics; they have a little bit of truth in them occasionally.