High Drama in the Friendship Corner

"Sharon," I said recently over a sandwich lunch.

"I need your advise.  RAH and I have been very good friends with A & T for about 7 or 8 years.  We have gone on trips together, used to eat out about once a week together, been to each other's homes often, etc."

"And, then one day, T was VERY cold to me, no longer sent her fun emails, was distant and cold when we saw each other publicly.  I can't figure out what I did.  Should I say anything to her?"

Then Sharon told me HER similar story.

"We were best friends with a couple in our ward.  We did what you are describing; went places together, ate together, played games together, had so much fun.  I thought we were best friends.  And, then one day, she wouldn't talk to me any more.  She would avoid me at church.  I couldn't figure out what I had done.

"So, I bought a little gift, went to her home, apologized profusely, asked her forgiveness, saying I didn't know what I had done, but was so sorry.

"She listened, sat stoically, but said nothing; no acceptance of my apology...absolutely NOTHING.  I left wondering what had just happened!

"I saw her with her husband recently in the grocery store...I went over, was just as friendly as can be. She didn't say a word.

"But here's the deal, Loni," Sharon said.  "I tried; I still don't know what I did wrong, but now, it's HER problem, not mine.  I'm sorry about the loss of a really great friendship, but the drama isn't worth it.  So, if I were you, I'd just let it lie.  At this point, if she wants your friendship, she knows where to find you!"

I'm still shaking my head over women and our drama....

Come on, ladies, we are not back in the 10th grade any more.  We are adults - we can figure this stuff out.


If I did something wrong, I'm incredibly sorry.

Tell me about it, let me apologize and then let's get on with our friendship.  Why would you let something I did unintentionally RUIN a lot of years of being good friends?

Ah, Life - it's complicated.


Lauralee said...

Always remember, it is not what they do, but what we do. So I would say to her something to the effect "I'm sorry if I have offended you in any way, it was certainly not my intention. Can we talk about it?" Then you have done all you can. The rest is up to her to deal with it. You have taken the higher road and can feel satisfied with your attempt. Certainly not easy for sure.

Anonymous said...

Interestingly enough we had a neighbor like that. For many years after we moved in she was great, everything you'd want in a neighbor. Then one year we went on vacation and when we returned she was cold toward us. After some time passed she bacame hateful at times. She was elderly so we just srugged it off and went on with life. We never did know what we did, or couldn't come up with any reasonable explaination. Her daughter moved her many years ago but even now I still wonder. I guess we'll never know.