If Only....

Whenever my father gave a talk, he would beat himself up about it.

It was:

too long,

too loud,

not good enough,

didn't hit the target,

on and on and on.

I used to get a little impatient with him over his self-beratings.  Everyone LOVED his talks, so I couldn't understand why he was so harsh on himself.

Yesterday, I spoke in church.

Afterwards and for about one or two weeks, I will totally beat myself up over the talk:

too dramatic,

didn't really hit the mark - after all, it WAS Christmas!

not very good.

Holy cow, once again, I have totally turned into my father!

I don't want to beat myself up.  I want to just stop thinking about it and move on, like Allen.  He gives a talk, it's over.

I give a talk, and I think, "Why did I say that?" "Why didn't I say that?" Why did I choose that subject?  Why didn't I give the other talk I prepared?  Why, Why, Why?

On and on in my head.

It's like it's a genetic SICKNESS....

Oh, wait it is.