My Christmas Letter - in Response to All the Perfect Families Out There

Dear Loved Ones,

It hasn't been our best year, but I'm sure things will start looking up for us as soon as Johnny Ray gets out of prison.  We are hoping he can remember where he stashed the cash he took from the gas station.  That will help our financial situation a great deal.

Our 2nd son, Bobby Ray has been out of work now for nigh on to 27 years, but he's still hoping to get his job back as manager of the feed lot, although it went out of business shortly after he lost his job....not that the two are connected in any way at all.

Carly Ray had her 3rd baby; we are all so excited for her.  She has her trailer fixed up quite nicely.  It's small, as those mini travel trailers are, but hey, it's home.  Hopefully, she will be able to get some furniture this year, as she is getting tired of sitting on the floor each day.  But, her 92 inch television set keeps them all happy and occupied quite nicely.  Go, Alabama!

We are so proud of Carly Ray's oldest son, Thunder Ray; he joined the track team.  Man, he's on fire.  He came in 10th of 9 runners.  We're not even sure how he did that, but isn't that great!  Not everyone can do that!

Her daughter, Little Carly Ray, is doing very well in art; she drew a picture of her mother's boyfriend picking his nose. Little Carly Ray said the teacher was speechless when he saw it. We couldn't be prouder.  However, Little Carly Ray is struggling in other subjects in school, though.  She just can't seem to get those times tables learned.  She's hoping by the end of this year - her junior year - she'll have the 2's down.  Here's to education.

Buddy Ray and I are plugging right along nicely.  He is still nursing his black eye that he got when he ran into the dang door; I guess in the dark he just didn't notice it was closed!  Man, how could he not see the door?  It's been there for nigh unto 2 days now since we've been doing that remodel work in the bathroom.  He must of been in a REAL hurry!

As for me, Lida Ray, I'm still struggling with:
sciatica,
hypertension,
nerves,
OCD, COD, DOC, and ODC
Restless Leg Syndrome,
Dry Eye Syndrome,
Very close veins,
High blood pressure,
High cholesterol,
High anxiety,
High hopes,
and the list goes on, but, hey, who's complaining at this wonderful season of the year?

We have much to be grateful for; our guns have bullets, we have meat on the table - which now only has three legs, thanks to our dog, Ray Ray - stupid dog thought the meat was for him!

But, we are doing well...and our family wishes you all a very Merry Christmas.

(We'd love to see you, but - Please don't come by during the holidays as we are still trying to get our home organized and put back together from the flood we had in 1989 when Johnny Ray tried to hide his first-ever robbery money down the toilet.)

May you always have a RAY of sunshine in your home...I know we do!  HA! HA!

Lida Ray, Buddy Ray, Johnny Ray, Bobby Ray, Carly Ray and her 3 little Rays, and of course, the 4-legged Ray - Ray Ray.